Why must i ask why?

I'm having some problem here,its not a school or home work problem. Its not family problem too.I think you know whats the problem. Should i get mad or sad? If its for me, i don't think i will get mad or sad. Cause i'll be used to it from the top, this is not the first time. Is more than ten times. Seriously, i have nothing to do with it now. Just please tell me what should i do and not standing there doing nothing and keep talking at me! Do you really treat me as a friend? As i'm always saying that 'i'm original', but hopefully, i don't think i'm original anymore, cause i always follow rules and what people says. I just can't do what i like and say what i like to say, this suffers, why u can do that but i can't? Even thought u did something i don't like but i just forget about it cause you are my friend, actually its nothing but someone just keep talk about it and make it bigger and bigger like a balloon, and soon it'll pop. I'm the one who will get blame. What can i say? ''Hey, sorry for everything, what can i do to solve this thing?'' or ''Hey, thanks for always putting me at the first place?'' or even ''Hey bitch! I had it enough,can you just stop it?''
Why can't i step out of youre line and walk in my own way? Why must i always follow you? can i lead for once please? I wanna be free, i don't wanna the bird who always get lock in the cage. I want freedom, and sweet life. But what i get is just the opposite of it. Yeah, face the fact Natalie, dream off, time to solve, not time to dream. What can i do? Since you never tell me that i'm wrong, i won't get to know right? Since i know nothing, then i keep repeating the same thing and you'll be mad, what more can i do? Always sit there and keep quiet? I don't wanna be that man,such a lifeless people, i'm love to be hyper, play around,smile. I don't wanna be a nerd and brainy person, i wanna be stupid, but they don't allow me to do that. They want to cry everyday, they want me to be lifeless, they don't want me to know whats happening..This is killing me, i'm trying to be good here but it always failed, get the word failed? Why? Why this keep happening in me? Why can't it be other people? Why? Why? Why you can do something wrong but i can't?, i wanna do something wrong too. So that we can call this friend....But i don't think i'm a good in your eyes,i'm just nothing like piece of paper. Being friend with me suffers, it suck being friends with me, so don't ever be friends with me, you'll get in trouble very easily just in one second.

If is between home work and friendship, i'll pick home work cause they are silent friends.